Getting A Grip!

The way in which we perceive and deal with our everyday stressors, disappointments and frustrations create an overarching impact on our lives. Our management of such stressors generate emotions which tend to be simple yet somehow, at times they may feel extremely complex. These emotions like anger, fear and sadness are a natural part of being human.

The origin of the word “anger” paints an interesting picture. In Sanskrit, anger or “Amhu” means distress and “angr” from Old Norse refers to grief, pain and sorrow. It shows us how more primary emotions such as fear and sadness are found to underlie our feelings of anger. Fear and sadness create feelings of vulnerability and are uncomfortable to deal with. We wish to bring back a sense of control and certainty and therefore, we humans mask our fears and sadness with anger.

Evolutionarily, certain emotions like anger have been linked to our basic survival instincts and skills honed over the course of human history. Anger is commonly understood as a feeling which occurs in response to any kind of frustration or injury. It alerts us when we feel something is not right, and in response we must protect ourselves and our loved ones from any form of unfairness or injustice.

There is a huge difference between feeling angry and showing it. The former is a state of emotional and physiological arousal. Aggressiveness, on the other hand, is referred to as a way of showing that anger that is directed towards others with an intent to cause harm. This aggressiveness shown through yelling and screaming towards someone makes us feel better, but it ends up doing more harm than good.

Biologically, anger is the fight part of the “fight, flight or freeze” response of the sympathetic nervous system every time a stressor is perceived. However, fighting the stress does not necessarily mean showing violence by throwing punches. In most of our daily situations, it would mean taking the stress head on by motivating ourselves and constructively working towards reducing it.

Mahatma Gandhi is a brilliant example of a person who constructively managed his anger. In the book “The Gift of Anger”, Arun Gandhi wrote about how his grandfather’s childhood and marital life were marked with extreme anger issues. However, over the years he began to introspect and turned his anger into a motivating force for fighting injustices in the country.

The best way to possibly handle anger is to dig deep within oneself and understand those emotions (pain, grief, fear) that are creating feelings of uncertainty and uncontrollability. Even in anger management, completely getting rid of anger is not the aim as it is not always a negative feeling to experience. Rather, focusing on what is in our control and what isn’t helps in keeping a check on what might trigger our anger. As cliche as it might sound, deep breathing, taking a walk, counting, drinking water are sure shot ways of controlling short term anger.

It is also important to note that sometimes the frequency and severity of anger increases to the point that it creates dysfunction in our relationships, work performance and mental health. It is advisable to visit a psychologist during such circumstances as this anger can be indicative of a more serious symptom of mental disorders such as Bipolar disorder, Borderline Personality disorder, Intermittent Explosive disorder etc.

In Gandhi’s own words, anger is like electricity. It is just as powerful and useful if it is used intelligently but just as deadly and destructive if abused.

Tanya Bakshi

Psychologist

Chetana Counselling Centre.